75 Minute Weekend Release?
Dear New York Times and CBS:
The following description of events regarding the transfer of the threatening tape is not verifiable, and its accuracy may be in question. Please, check the facts before reporting the following story.
The threatening video that ABC was sitting on until last night is 75 minutes long. 75 minutes? There are Hollywood big budget releases that are around 75 minutes long, and this one is of a ranting angry man spewing hate. No, this is not Michael Moore’s newest release, it is far more honest.
The video looks cheesy, fake, like some goof made it in his living-room, in front of a blue sheet, after taking the tablecloth from the kitchen and wrapping it around his head. But how he could take the tape to Waziristan, Pakistan to sell it for $500 seems a bit strange. ($500 in Pakistan? This was a profitable movie.)
Let’s help the loons on the left, like Al Franken. Here is the story:
George and Dick filmed this in the basement of the White House, Condoleezza Rice directed. They then gave the tape to Mary Cheney—she’s a lesbian, you know—who flew it to Pakistan, where she met Oliver North. Ollie took the tape to the lawless lands of Waziristan and had a friend of his, Mohammed, sell the tape to “sources” for $500. Ollie paid Mohammed $4, spent $13.25 to by a used Mercedes and took the remaining $482.75 and purchased pure heroin in Afghanistan—being grown by US troops under the watchful eyes of Donald Rumsfeld. The pure heroin was cut, and flown into the United States via Arkansas, with help from an old acquaintance. The heroin was sold to Rush Limbaugh and poor inner-city black children for a $600,000,000,000,023.52 profit, which was used to fund the SwiftVets ads.
But don’t miss the real point: The whole purpose of the tape was to divert attention from the important issues John Kerry has been discussing, as well as his heroic attempt to present his record to the American people.
You laugh? This will be page one of the New York Times Sunday edition, and “60 Minutes” will be running with it Sunday night.
Oh, when the press gets wind of this…
And you thought the weekend was going to be boring. If only we were so lucky.
BTW: That column titled Why Bush Will Win is written by Dick Morris. That’s right, not Bush’s Dick, Bill’s Dick.